she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
