I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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