I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
