Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
