You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
