I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
