the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize