you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
