At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
