Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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