as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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