Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
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There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
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You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar