Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
