is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods