she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.