You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
