It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
