I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
The feeling are messing with the penis
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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