Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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