Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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