This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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