You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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