My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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