I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
