i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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