I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
