great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
