Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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