I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
