I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
vagina is talking i cant
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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