All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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