I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Randomize
