I think my vagina is haunted
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
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