Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
