and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I need a beard to bite.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
