I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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