that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
