He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two words: blizzard sex
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize