just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
