just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
