i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
