Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
