My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
they need to just BURY HIM!
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize