I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Randomize
