Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
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