If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
