You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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