Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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