I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
