8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I believe in your delicious
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
