just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
