we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
