You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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