Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NoShamevember. You game?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
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