All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
