I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
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