is your mom at the bar?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
