i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
be right there i have to get my cape
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
