No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
