After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Couch. On fire.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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