i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
