Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize