He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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