The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Randomize
