happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
