I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
