How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
