So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Randomize
