I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
