Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
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The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
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I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
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