Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize