No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
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i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
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I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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