dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
