just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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