giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
