Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
