i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
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