If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
