My nipple is on Facebook.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
