We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
