party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
