I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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