I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
