ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
