i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
