dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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