i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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